God's Peace The World Cannot Give

Natalia Tjokro

I came from a family that was not very religious at all. Neither did I come from a Christian family. However, I thanked the Lord for bringing me here to the United States, that here, in a country far away from my comfort zone, He brought me back to Him. I realized that His works are amazing. His gentle Love keeps luring me back to Him, and once that Love touched my heart, it instantly changed me, and I know that He fell head over heels for me and I for Him.

My first encounter with Jesus happened during City of Lights 2003 (an Indonesian Community of Archdiocese of Los Angeles prayer event). I did not remember who invited me to go to that gathering, and I did not remember why I said yes to that invitation. I guess, this is how amazing God was. Without His gentle nudge, I would not step foot in Anaheim Convention Center for that 2-days event. I just did not know what to expect, and I was scared because I did not know anybody else, except my sister and my cousin. Furthermore, my first ever experience with “charismatic” prayer meeting freaked me out.

During that event, I still remember how awkward I felt during the praise and worship session. People were clapping, jumping, and dancing to the music. They did things that were too "fanatical" for me. However, praise God that at the end of that session, I felt DIFFERENT! Things that started off heavy became lighter and peaceful. This peace that I have never experienced before. So deep was the peace that without knowing, I started clapping and dancing too!

During this event also was my first experience being prayed upon. Through this person, God spoke to me. He soothed me of what troubling me at that time. But, because I did not understand, I thought that it was cool that someone could “read my mind.” I started to have doubts, especially doubts on the different gifts of the Holy Spirit.

Then during that same year, I participated in a retreat. That was also my very first retreat in the United States. However, that first retreat was the point in my life that I first experienced Jesus ALIVE. I felt His touch, I heard His voice, I tasted Him in the Eucharist, I saw His face during adoration, and He told me that I am the apple of His eyes. It was very-very beautiful.

During that retreat, He broke the walls of doubts that separated me and Him. He proved that He is indeed alive. I ran out of arguments and I accepted Him in my life. That experience was so real that I still have goosebumps every time I think about this.

During that retreat, He healed me of my pains and hurt. The baggages that I had been carrying around on my shoulder for the first 2 decades of my life, the bitterness and disappointments, the rejections and fear, He took them all away. He replaced my heart - torn, empty, battered and bruised, with His own heart. He helped me stand up again. He filled my cup till it overflowed. I came hungry and thirsty, I went home fulfilled.

Since that retreat, my journey with the Lord continue to evolve and grow. Of course there were ups and downs. There were times when I feel that He is very-very close to me and keeping me safe. There were also times when I felt that He was very-very distant from me. However, I believe that no matter what I feel during a particular time, I know that He is here with me. He is here holding my hands to His heart and walking with me. He is here listening to my prayers, my complains, and my happiness.

Sometimes I feel that words simply cannot express how wonderful He is to me. I cannot find human language that can sufficiently describe His wondrous love for me. For He is kind and merciful. He is slow to anger and rich in kindness. His mercy is from age to age on those who fear Him, and His love never fails.

Thank you Jesus!

Hallelujah!