I Didn't Deserve It

My new life in Indonesia started right away after I arrived last Saturday. When I arrived home, my dad offered me to seek for a cellular phone right away so that I could retire my magical Nokia 7210 (magical: if you didn’t know how to press the keypad, the result would be the number “0” no matter what you had pressed). I was actually too tired and not in the mood for it. However, knowing my dad and because of his recent and still ongoing heart problem, I did not want to argue with him. So, I said yes to that.


By: Indra

I thought that I would have to prepare myself to go to the cellular phone store. However, amazingly, my dad called the owner of the store, and then made a deal so that one of the store’s employees could come to our house and brought several models to choose for me.

It was funny how my dad kept saying, “The model would be up to you. Everything is up to you.” However, in the end, he insisted on a model: Nokia 9500. I hesitated to choose that because it was so expensive and I did not think that I would need all of those features. It seemed too extravagant. Furthermore, I knew that I would then engage in an unceasing battle with my dad over who would be paying for the phone. Needless to say, he won on that one too…. (hey in my defense, I let him win… it was uncomfortable for me, however, oh well, it was not worth the fight and the risk of giving him any excitement that would worsen his heart right then).

When I saw that phone, and started to familiarized myself with it, I could not help but felt how I did not deserve that phone. I felt that the phone was for someone who would be much, much, better off than myself. However, at the same time, I was also excited of getting something that good.

It was then when I was reminded how similar my parents are to our Heavenly Father. Well, there are certainly some differences, for one, our Heavenly Father gives us free will whereas my father sometimes does not… hahahhaa. Our Heavenly Father always wanted the best for us. He “did not care” whether we deserve His goodness or not. It was our status as citizens of Heaven and as His children that makes us deserve His blessings and salvation. His mercy and grace made us deserve those. His love for us is so much that it would envelope all of our deficiencies that would have made us undeserving.

Just as I felt excited for getting such a great cellular phone, shouldn’t we be so much more excited for getting something that are more greater than all of the materials and wealth in this world combined? We are always being offered God Himself. He gives Himself for us. There is nothing better than that. We can either refuse it or accept it. St. Pio once said that many of us are like hungry guests in front of a table full of feasts. Yes, in front of us are all the blessings that we can claim, we just need to really claim and accept them. Don’t worry about whether we deserve those or not. His love makes us to deserve it.

God bless you all,
Adrianus Indra Setiadi