Blessed Messages from the Other Side

I arrived at my wife's Memorial Service. Looking at a closed casket on the middle isle and knowing that someone whom I knew so well was in there, created a lot of mixed emotions. Jesus was faithfully there with me. I let myself felt everything because I did not want to miss anything. I wanted to soak all these new experiences of staring death right in the eyes.

When I was right in front the closed casket, the gentleman standing beside it addressed me, “You are her husband. You are her closest kin. I was waiting for you to arrive before I open this casket.” I nodded in gratitude for his lovely gesture. He opened the casket.

My wife had chosen her own outfit before her funeral. What I did not know was the color she chose. If I had to guess, it would either be green, which was her favorite color, or red, which was mine. It was neither. She was wearing a color that was very familiar to us; the color we named our son after, Cyan.

Then my son’s eyes lit up because of another thing, “Papa, mama is bringing her purse, where do you think she is going?” He then continued smiling.

My wife, the mother of my son, was saying her last goodbye with two very special gestures. The color cyan was to address my son. The purse she was having right beside her in the casket was her message to me. Everytime she came home from work, the first thing I always helped her with was to carry her purse.

Both were significant. And only her could do such little things so meaningful like those. Even until the end on her departure to Heaven, she showed us that her two closest men would always be in her heart.

Thank you dear for always making us special for you. Pray for us always.

Glory to the Most Holy Trinity,
Bro Chan


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Lord, I Want to Please You

But how? Sometimes I feel my best is still not good enough. Regardless of the best thing I am giving, I am still falling short of the mark. There are so much junk in me. So many things needed to be cleaned. I am horribly ugly, wrecked by sin. I am fighting against my own mind. It has been too long that mediocrity has kept me captive. The line must be drawn here. I want it, Lord. I want to please You. Have I? It seems like I am the biggest failure. I am a waste of space in Creation. I am the lowest of the lowly. I am nothing. I am unworthy. There is nothing beautiful in me that You need to spend time to look at.

Then Jesus grabs the mirror.

“Use my mirror instead,” He says gently.

“What do you see?” He continues lovingly.

I see the most beautiful Man ever. His eyes are sparkling brightly with life. His face is spewing the beauty of love. His smile cheers the most down-trodden heart. His nod gives strength to the weary. His voice soothes all depression. He has angels sitting on His shoulder singing psalms to God. His outstretched arms touches the lonely and fills them with gladness. He sits down and takes time to be with His beloved. His eyes are piercing through and find goodness in the person He is with. All the time in the world is His. Whenever He moves, blessing follows. He is wearing the robe of the Sacred Heart. The Immaculate Heart is worn around His waist. He is full of hope. He is Love.

“Lord, You are so beautiful,” I murmur in awe.

He answers tenderly, “You are right, but not entirely. Although whom you see in that mirror is indeed Me, but it’s actually you.” He taps my shoulder. I am looking at Him in disbelief.

He assures me, “It is you. When you are in Me in silent surrender, when people come to you, whom they see is Me. You are beautiful because I am. I love you.”

He stretches His hand, “Will you follow me? Come on…”

I take His hand and get up again. I walk beside Him. I walk in Him. When I say I am ugly, I am insulting Him. When I look at myself as beautiful, it is because He is.

Glory to the Most Holy Trinity,
Bro Chan


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Can We Have a New Start?

The first time I look at you
I just know that you will become a part of me
If only you can see
How I want you to love me too

I will go far and wide
Spend thousand of years
Just to make you realize
That I will always be at your side

It is like a game
Sometimes you easily remember me
In your mind there is always my name
If only it can always be the same

Many things seems attractive
That they catch your attention
You forget my love
My name you no longer mention

Whereas I give you freedom
You are willing to be a slave
You are heirs to My kingdom
That you give up for your crave

I do not want you to be apart
Make you realize what is rightfully yours
I am knocking at your heart
Can we have a new start?

For you I will go all the way
If you don’t answer
If you won’t let me stay
I will wait for you in the manger

I want to give you a new heart
A heart full of true delight
A heart ready to fight a good fight
Can we have a new start?


God bless you all,
Adrianus Indra Setiadi


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Reach Out and Touch Someone’s Life

“Reach out and touch somebody's life today. Little things done with great love mean a whole lot difference.” I put that on my Facebook status in the morning.

Around 2.45 in the afternoon as I was grabbing my mails, my good neighbor said hi to me. His daughter is going to the same school as my son, same grade different teacher. Cyan always enjoys playing bike with her too.

His daughter and wife are going overseas for the summer. He is doing a lot of painting in his home. I took time to reach out to him to chit-chat in front of his garage. He offered some coffee. I accepted gladly. Inside the house, he showed me what he has done with the walls. It was beautiful.

Then we sat around his dining table enjoying our coffee, his very own Espresso French Vanilla blend. We talked about many things. I talked about the way my life is right now. He shared about his.

Give and it shall be given unto you (Lk 6:38).

As I was reaching out to him, it opened up the chance for him to reach out to me too. At the end we enjoyed each other’s company. The good coffee helped too. Our genuine intention to be a good company to each other was felt both ways. God was working through that fellowship.

An hour later, I went home joyfully and gratefully. I thanked God for the way He could use others as His instrument to show me that He is always there.

Glory to the Most Holy Trinity,
Bro Chan


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What Kind of Letter would You Choose to be?

I remembered the first time I fell in love, it was with a girl one year older than me. Because she was one year my senior in high school, she graduated sooner than I did. She then moved to the US for college while I continued toiling in Indonesia :)


By: Indra

The year was 1994, then, the internet was not as reliable as it is now. International calls were still expensive (calling from the US to Indonesia would cost 65 cents/minute even with a deal plan). With no other choice, I had to write my first love letter.

I remembered it was near Valentine's day. I wrote the letter on a Valentine's card. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect. I remembered how astounded I was to realize that I was at loss for words. I am seldom at loss for words. However, because I wanted this letter to be perfect so badly, it took me several hours just to write that letter.

It is amazing how that memory still brings smile to my face even right now. I could not believe that I wanted to give someone something so perfect. I felt she was worth the effort.

2 Cor 3:2-3 - You are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by all, shown to be a letter of Christ administered by us, written not in ink but by the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone, but on tablets that are hearts of flesh.

I was reading this verse when I was reminded of my first love letter. The love letters from God is not only the Bible, we are also letters from God to others. Picture someone that you love the most. Try to feel your love for that person. Now, imagine a love that is a million times greater than that.... even that is still smaller than God's love for us.

If God wants to write a love letter for us, what would it be like? What would a perfect love letter be like? God's perfect love letter would be him presenting himself for only he is perfect.

The Scripture is one way for God to present himself. After all, many called the Scripture as a "love letter from God". However, how about us?

We are created in his image, therefore, it is God presenting himself in us. We are his love letters to others, called to show to what depth a relationship with Christ can lead.

With our free will, we can choose what kind of letter do we want to be, a love letter from God, or a hate manifesto born out of our own sins.

What kind of letter would you choose to be?

God bless you all,
Adrianus Indra Setiadi


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Second Birthday in Heaven

I told my son, “Cyan, today’s is June 22nd. It’s Mama’s birthday.”

“O Yeah, happy birthday Santa Mama…”

“However, Cyan, Mama has two birthdays now.”

“Really?”

“Yep. One is her birthday on Earth, June 22nd. The other one is her birthday in Heaven, February 6th. And happy are those who has their second birthday already, because after that, they live forever…”


One "beary" Happy Family! :-)

We said a short prayer to give thanks for Saint Rosa Tiara’s life on Earth. We are both happy for her presence in Heaven.

“Lord, let Mama pray for us and watch over us always…”

Santa Rosa, let your love songs be sounding in our heart always. Watch over me and your son. My road is long. Teach me to be victorious like you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Amen!

Glory to the Most Holy Trinity,
Bro Chan


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Heavenly Inspiration at the Bookstore

One of my favorite activities is visiting a bookstore. I started enjoying this when I was 8 years old. Whenever I am there, I feel the presence of the bright minds; people who have courage to step up to the plate and fulfill their calling in life. I may or may not agree with their writing, but I commend them for pushing through their own mediocrity to shine.

Does it mean that people who do not write are mediocre? Absolutely not.

There are many awards for great achievements, the Nobel prize, Academy Awards, Oscars, NBA Championships, even the Mustard Belt for whoever can eat the most hot dogs on 4th of July. Those are great achievements and we should be inspired with the way those people train and prepare themselves for such great victories.

On the same token, we should also have awards for fathers, mothers, homemakers, caregivers, married couples, actions of love, charity, and a whole slew of intangible achievements human race achieve on a daily basis.

So, it really does not matter. What matters is the question, are we striving for the great fulfillment of our calling in life? Many people are giving up on their dreams a long time ago. But they are dreams, right? Hold on, that is the way the world defines it. For us, it is God’s planted calling in life. Until we are on the pursuit course of that calling, our life will be empty. I guarantee it! Many of God’s people settle for less in the name of safety and security. Many settle for the comfort zone they are in right now forgetting that God is inviting us for an adventure of faith. God is daring us to challenge Him so that He can show you what He can do as our God.

What do we want in life? What is truly important? Are we doing that today? If not, why not? Security, safety, and comfort zone, becoming excuses again?

Have we ever pondered that security, safety, and comfort zone, that this world offer are meaningless compared to security that God offers?

What do you want in life? Many dreams of having a lot of money, travel, and vacation. Good start. What then? Beyond abundance of money, traveling, and vacationing for the whole year, what then? Shopping? OK, good, what then? A friend of my friend is so abundant in money that they even have their own zoo in their home, but they claim they are still empty. What then?

Answer that question and continue digging until you hit your heart. How do you know you hit it? You are jumping for joy. You are engaging your talents. You are bringing blessing to others and to yourself using these God-given talents. This sometimes is accompanied with the exhilaration of the body, even tears. Whatever this calling is, you surely can do that all day long, all life long. You are becoming the person God intends you to be.

What do you want in life? What are your dreams?

Glory to the Most Holy Trinity,
Bro Chan


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A Son’s Morning Love Surprise

I was half asleep when my son stormed the room. “Papa, are you still going to sleep?” he smiled brightly, “I made a Father’s day surprise for you... I also prepare you breakfast.” I thanked him and returned the smile. “Can you bring the surprise here?” I was wondering. “Well, it’s kinda in the whole room…” I got up curiously to see what’s going on.

On the countertop kitchen I saw a cereal bowl prepared for me. “I didn’t want to put the milk because I don’t want it to get soggy,” he explained.

I looked around the room to see what he made. I did not see anything. But then instead of seeing, I hear something. He turned on the jazz channel on TV and let the sound fill the whole room. It occurred to me then that I mentioned about this the day before. We went to the movie theater. On the way home I turned on the jazz radio and said to my son, “Cyan, Papa loves this kind of music.” I did the rhythm thing and moved my body to the beat.

He took that into account to make such a simple thing for his dad on Father’s day. Little things done with great love become great things. Especially when it came from a childlike heart like his. I was touched. It was indeed special. Bless my son’s heart, Lord. And make my heart be like a child’s. Amen.

Happy Father’s day to all fathers.

Glory to the Most Holy Trinity,
Bro Chan


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Little Hi Meant A Lot

I was driving away from my complex to run some errands. At the corner of the street I saw the lady who helped getting my late wife and I got our home. We knew her very well. She was in her golf-cart tying up some promo balloons on the complex corner. It was a stop sign so I stopped. She looked at me and got down from her cart.

“Chanuka, I am so sorry to hear about Rosie (her own nickname for Rosa),” then she held my hand. It was a sweet gesture for her to do that. She was busy but she took the time. “Thank you,” I smiled. “If there is anything I can do to help, just let me know, ok…” she smiled back.

In a split second I was being reminded about how little things done with great love become great things. So I look at her in gratitude, “Thank you so much. Your saying hi to me has made my day.”

It truly was. Thank you Jesus for people who are like a burning candle that constantly bring warmth to others.

She could have just waved or smiled from afar. That would be sufficient. But she chose to truly reach out to her surrounding and take the time to affect her world.

Glory to the Most Holy Trinity,
Bro Chan


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Lethargic But in God

Somehow I have been very lethargic for the past two days. Maybe the pressure at work finally gets to me... maybe it is because I have been trying to cut back on caffeine, or maybe a mixture of both? I don't know....

What I do know is that one has to know his/her limits. Sometimes realizing our limits is a sign of maturity. It is a sign of our admittance that we are humans after all, we are not God, and we really need to rely on God because there are many things that we really can not control.

Unfortunately, many societies have twisted the meaning of knowing one's limitations. Many societies regard it as a sign of weakness, as tanking on life. I admit that I sometimes take a very improper pride that I have been working beyond my limit. Maybe doing that every once in a while would still be okay. However, when people start to expect that standard from us every time, then we are in trouble. When the pride start to kick in, then we really are in trouble!

Oh well... maybe it is time to sit back and relax after all.. realizing that only God has no limit, and we all have and should accept them as blessings from God, as a reminder that we are still humans after all.


God bless you all,
Adrianus Indra Setiadi


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Little Things Done with Great Love

“We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love” – Blessed Mother Theresa.

My days are overwhelming at times. Running a business, doing household chores, taking care of a son, are three things that requires a great deal of time. I put my silent moments throughout the day regardless how busy I get. Those silent moments become a spring of living water from within. It becomes a source of strength to move on. God is the strength for my journey. During silence, the Heavenly pipelines are opened and I drink from a refreshing God’s fountain once again.

However, I am still a weak human being striving for perfection of Love. There are times I am tempted to just throw my rants of complaints out there. Why should I wash the dishes? Why should I do laundry? Why should I clean the kitchen floor? Why should I do bills? If I don’t catch myself, the whys will continue to eternity.

Once the snowball of complaints get bigger, I need to pull the brake. How? By replacing those complaints with barrage of gratitude. Every single little thing I do for my family will become meaningful when I do it with great love. Thank you Lord for my hands that I may serve my son to wash the dishes. Thank you Lord for having a laundry detergent to wash our clothes. Thank you Lord for human brain that created a swifter to make my job easier in cleaning my kitchen floor. Thank you Lord for the financial blessing in my family bank accounts so that I can enjoy monthly conveniences I have. Thank you.

As my heart engages itself in gratitude and chooses to be joyful, my body, mind, and spirit follow. Suddenly washing the dishes or doing bills become an offering of Love united with Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. They become meaningful. With gratitude and joy, acts of doing chores are turned into prayers for people in my prayer list.

Yes, having a maid coming regularly is a solution I always enjoy too.

But I can assure you, if I do not have joy and gratitude in God’s smallest gifts, then even having a maid everyday to help with chores will not bring the same abundance in my heart.

Little things done with great love become big thing.
Big things done with little love become little thing.
Anything done with no love becomes nothing.

Glory to the Most Holy Trinity,
Bro Chan


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Family of God

A successful leader who is my personal favorite once said about how he treated his employees, "Treat people like your family and they will defend you, treat them as an interchangable workwheels and they will also treat you as such."

I could not agree more. However, if my boss has a troubled relationship with his/her family, under that philosophy, then I would be in trouble.... LOL... That is why work-family balance is one of the hot topics in Organizational Development in the US. We know that the old believe to "keep personal life and professional life apart" does not really apply that well to most people.

I could not help relating the wisdom to how God treats us. Isn't that how God treats us also? We who are actually slaves because of our sins, are being treated as his family. Unlike my favorite leader who only "treat his employees as his families", God does it one step further; he makes us to be his family. Maybe we have a lot of bad experiences with other humans that it is so hard for us to trust in God. Often times, I feel like we are the ones who still choose to live as slaves.

Maybe we can be more convinced if we really think about some of the characteristics of a family and compare it to the family of God:

1. Parents. Well, we do have a Divine Father and also a Queen Mother in Mary
2. Likeness to each other. Yes, we are created in the image of God
3. Inherited genes that shaped our personality. Ever heard of the Holy Spirit and his fruits? :)
4. Many family celebrations. Hallelujah for the sacraments and feast of the Saints, especially for the Eucharist :)
5. Family inheritance. Yup, the Kingdom of Heaven where there is enough room for everyone
6. And finally: filial love. Where the family members are willing to sacrifice for each other and serve each other... well I think we are still working on this..

We need to stop to live as slaves and start believing that we are his family. We just have to realize that his love and faithfulness is always with us. We need to know that we have "inherited his genes" that is, the Holy Spirit, who will empower us to love God and each other as God has loved us first.


God bless you all,
Adrianus Indra Setiadi


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How Do I Come to God’s Plan?

A long time high school friend of mine, a brother in Christ, messaged me:

“Chan, can you help strengthening my obedience to HIS will so I can be freely coming into HIS plan?”

It is a very powerful question. It is about the most powerful tool God has given us in our spiritual journey, our freewill. It can be either our greatest asset or our biggest liability.

Let’s say I want to give you a million dollar under one condition. You need to be here in 3 days. You live in Jakarta, Indonesia, which is half a globe away from where I live. Will you be here to claim my promise?

I would.

I would take a first-class flight in gratitude to receive what has been promised to me.

When it comes to God’s promises, it certainly worths more than a million dollar:

“For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope. When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart” – Jer 29:11-13

God, the creator of the Universe who is All in all and He is willing to give Himself to us? What more can a person ask for?

“I will take you as my own people, and you shall have me as your God. You will know that I, the LORD, am your God…” – Ex 6:7

And if that’s not enough, He gave His only begotten son to die on the Cross. God gave Himself up as an expiation offering for our transgression so we may have the fullness of eternal Life.

So my dear brother, the only thing I can do is to proclaim this most glorious mystery of God giving Himself up for you. You need to be the one who makes the choice to obey Him.

Our modern society has a very strong tendency against obedience. It is always seen as a weakness. Submission is a symbol of vulnerability. It is slavery. I become arrogant because I do not want to confess one’s sovereignty over me, including God’s.

Nothing can be further from the truth.

God asks us, yes ask not force, to obey His will because He knows that is the only path that leads to prosperity. He gives us the choice. He even points to the path we should be on; the choice we should choose. But at the end, it has to be us who make the choice.

“I call heaven and earth today to witness against you: I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. Choose life, then, that you and your descendants may live” – Deut 30:19.

All good and perfect things can only come from Perfection Himself. Outside of His path, there is only destruction. Without God we cannot do anything. Yes, it takes an utmost humbleness to confess that. Happy are the humble ones, for they shall see God!

“Why do you persist in rebellion? Your whole head is injured, your whole heart afflicted. From the sole of your foot to the top of your head there is no soundness-- only wounds and welts and open sores, not cleansed or bandaged or soothed with oil. Your country is desolate, your cities burned with fire; your fields are being stripped by foreigners right before you, laid waste as when overthrown by strangers” Isa 5-7

So my dear brother, don’t stand in the cold outside. Your Father in Heaven has prepared a feast for you inside the House. He is even standing outside and stretching out His hand asking you to come in. But it has to be you who grab that Hand and answer His invitation to come in.

“All you who are thirsty, come to the water! You who have no money, come, receive grain and eat; Come, without paying and without cost, drink wine and milk! Why spend your money for what is not bread; your wages for what fails to satisfy? Heed me, and you shall eat well, you shall delight in rich fare. Come to me heedfully, listen, that you may have life. I will renew with you the everlasting covenant, the benefits assured to David” – Isa 55:1-3.

Glory to the Most Holy Trinity,
Bro Chan


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Panis Angelicus

The works of worship throughout the centuries always leave me with marvels of the beauty of a soul seeking for God. One of those works is “Panis Angelicus” by St. Thomas Aquinas. I put the English and Latin translation; also some background history on the hymn from chantcd.com. At the end, I include Chloe Agnew’s rendition of the hymn. Praise God!

Bro Chan
__________

Bread of Angels,
made the bread of men;
The Bread of heaven
puts an end to all symbols:
A thing wonderful!
The Lord becomes our food:
poor, a servant, and humble.
We beseech Thee,
Godhead One in Three
That Thou wilt visit us,
as we worship Thee,
lead us through Thy ways,
We who wish to reach the light
in which Thou dwellest.
Amen.

The following excerpts taken from http://www.chantcd.com/lyrics/panis_angelicus.htm

"The Bread of Angels" - this is often used as a Benediction hymn, for obvious reasons. It directs us to contemplate the great mystery of becoming one with Jesus Himself whenever we receive Him. God Himself becomes our nourishment! It then proceeds to ask Jesus for the grace to save our souls, so that we can join the citizens of Heaven, seeing Him forever in "the light in which Thou dwellest".

This is taken from "Sacris Solemniis", written by St. Thomas Aquinas before the year 1274. It is the Matins hymn for Corpus Christi, the great feast of the Body of Christ when the Church turns our attention to the great Gift of the Eucharist. Jesus gave us this precious Gift of Himself so that He might always be with us.

Panis angelicus
fit panis hominum;
Dat panis caelicus
figuris terminum:
O res mirabilis!
manducat Dominum
Pauper, servus, et humilis.
Te trina Deitas
unaque poscimus:
Sic nos tu visita,
sicut te colimus;
Per tuas semitas
duc nos quo tendimus,
Ad lucem quam inhabitas.
Amen.




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God's Word Is In All Creation

Here is a poem from a very very very special saint who is dear to me, St. Hildegard of Bingen. It encapsulates the first chapter of St. John’s Gospel from another angle. St. Hildegard, let your guidance be upon me your little brother always… Help me to see Jesus the way you do. I lift up BeaconsOfLight.net under your care and prayer always…

Bro Chan
__________

God's Word Is In All Creation

No creature has meaning
without the Word of God.
God's Word is in all creation, visible and invisible.
The Word is living, being,
spirit, all verdant greening,
all creativity.
This Word flashes out in
every creature.
This is how the spirit is in
the flesh—the Word is indivisible from God.

St. Hildegard of Bingen


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Empathic Silence

A sister in Christ sent me the following message:

“I have never experienced anyone close to me passing. However, sadly this year I've already experienced two people gone. I read your blogs all the time and I see that you're so strong and still living life to the fullest. I just want to know, "Why does the Lord take the good people?" The innocent?" My fiance’s closest relative just lost his wife to cancer too. She was 60 years old. They were married for 38 years with no children. How does he continue to live life? What do you tell him? I am just asking you because I know you would be the number one person that would know. I admire you each and everyday. May the lord keep blessing you and Cyan. Take care =)”

Thanks for the question. I’ll start by straightening some understandings and sharing some of my personal experiences in going through my own life challenges.

First of all, the Lord never takes. God is Love and love is always giving. He even gave His only begotten Son to die on the Cross that we are now able to enter eternal life!

Let’s ponder about that for a moment.

So, for us death is no longer the end. It’s actually the beginning of the fullness of everlasting Life. Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and Life Himself. As we say yes to enter our passing to Heaven, we are saying yes to God’s calling to be with Him forever. I can assure you, there is no better place other than being one with the Heart of God. That is our home. That is why we were created, to experience this fullness of Love.

Let’s bring ourselves to that moment of falling in love with someone; how beautiful, how timeless, how every cell in our body blooms with roses, those experiences are. What if I can tell you that there is a place, there is a space, where those experiences are going to be ten times better than any falling in love experience one can ever have. When we are one with the Heart of God, it is not just ten times, but that experience is multiplied beyond infinity. I am ecstatic just writing about this.

So, no, the Lord does not take good people. Everybody will experience death, both good and bad people. Even Jesus, Life Himself, died on the Cross. But just the way Jesus showed us that He conquered death by rising again, we too will rise from death to eternal Life when we are in Him and He in us. Everybody will experience eternal life. The question is, where?

I was cleaning up my kitchen when flashes of my wife, who is currently my personal saint, appeared in front of me. The first thing I felt was sadness from the separation I went through. That was very human and I needed to embrace that. But when I lifted up my heart and looked up to Heaven, there she is. She is experiencing the fullness of Joy. She is one with Jesus day and night. As the result of that understanding, I became joyful. I am happy that she is happy now. There is no way in the world as a human being I can create that kind of happiness for her. No way.

There are two sides of love. The first is I love you so much that I want you to be here with me. The second is I love you so much that I want the best to happen for you that you may experience happiness. These two sides need to go hand in hand. One without the other is going to cripple our understanding of love.

Regarding your fiance’s relative, what should we tell him? Nothing.

Really? Yes. When I say nothing, I don’t mean “nothing” because we don’t care. When I say nothing, I mean there is really nothing we can say to comfort him. The one and only thing we can do for him is to be there in empathic silence. Just be there and feel whatever he is feeling. Experience whatever he is going through the best way we know how. Cry when he cries. Laugh when he laughs. Dance when he dances. Nod in agreement when he achieves a glorious victory in God.

Words are cheap at this point. The last thing we want to say is “been there done that.” Only God earns the right to say that to somebody.

Regarding what he should do next, I’ll quote as close as possible a very beautiful passage from Pixar’s “Up” when the man reads a passage from his deceased wife’s memoirs, “Thank you for the adventure, dear. Now go get a new one.”

Glory to the Most Holy Trinity,
Bro Chan


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True Mercy Liberates Us

Where does guilty feeling come from? Sometimes after I sin, I felt so guilty. Too guilty to face God. Too guilty to pray. I loathed myself for the sin. I was so ashamed. I was afraid that if other people know my real self, they will not like me as much.

Where did all these feelings come from? God?

When I read the parable of the prodigal son, the Father did not humiliate the son at all. The Father never sent any messengers to jeer at the son’s misfortunes. It was the son himself who remembered how good his Father was, and it was his own idea to come back to be humiliated, to work as a servant at his Father’s own house, because he felt that he is not worthy to be a son.

God’s mercy does not humiliate us the recipients. It liberates us. I can be sure of one thing, that He loves us. Because He loves us so much, we can’t help but love Him back. Every time we know that we did something that shows our rejection to our loved ones, we will feel guilty because we know that is wrong. Every time we sin, we reject our Father who loves us so much. Therefore, we feel guilty.

Whew, what a train of thoughts.

However, God does not operate on guilt trip. The Holy Spirit convicts us but does not humiliate us. The Spirit gives us assurance of what is right and wrong but never rejects us. John Paul II in Dives in Misericordia (The Mercy of God) said that God’s mercy confirms us in our human dignity and therefore, liberates us. His mercy does not humiliate us who receive it. It liberates us.

I am going to admit that I often repent because I feel so guilty. It is not necessarily bad at first. However, if I am “addicted” to guilt that it dominates my relationship with God, then guilt is very dangerous. Guilt is bad and demeaning when it becomes the base of our loving relationship with anyone let alone God who loves us so much. So many people are “addicted” to guilt. So many people based their relationship with God by this guilty feeling. No wonder a lot of people are either leaving the church because they want to avoid this guilty feeling, or being reluctant to receive God’s love because they feel too guilty.

Ultimately why do we come back to God then?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church says that “the desire for God is written in human heart.” When we reject God, we know we are missing something good. We know that we are rejecting our own nature, for our nature is to be called into communion with God. It is our nature to love God and live in communion with Him. We should not need to be forced into communing with Him by guilt, and He neverdid that. We did that to ourselves. We are called to know and love Him. The more we know Him, the more we love Him, and the less are our relationships with him based on guilt.

To Him be all glory and honor forever and ever!!!


God bless you all,
Adrianus Indra Setiadi


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Lord, I Screwed It Up

Father God, the more I want to get things right, the more wrong it gets. I want to please You. I want to make a surprise for You. But look, I mess things up and my handmade turns so ugly. Lord, I screwed it up.

I miss the plane, the bus, the train, the whole shebang. All I have left are my sandals and clothes I am wearing. But Lord, I am walking. Take my hands. Holy Spirit, come.

I surrender. When You are in control, nothing can go wrong. I embrace my past, my mistakes, the way I screwed up. I embrace all with Love. With Your grace, I forgive myself. I accept how weak I am. I am nothing, but You are everything. So, what shall I be afraid of?

Lord, I want to make things beautiful but I don’t know how. I cast myself in Your arms. When my eyes are welling up with tears, You are the One who wipes it. Your mighty hands caress my heart so it can smear with Heavenly aroma once again. My joy, my pain, my disappointment, my victory, they are all part of the unfinished poem of my life.

Help me to love. Enlarge my heart to contain more of Your love. I want to bring those love to the wounded hearts. Lord, here I am. Mold me and shape me according to Your liking. I surrender. When I unite my bitterness in You, it turns into sweet incense so refreshingly invigorating to my soul. Let this incense rise up to be offered for souls. Souls that long to be with You. Break me so my brothers can eat. Squeeze me so my sisters can drink. You are the Taste within me. Let them taste You when they taste me.

For to the One I love,
Bro Chan


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Keeping a Spiritual Diary

A brother in Christ asked me about my spiritual diary, what that is all about, how I structure it, and what kind of contents I put in it. A very solid question!

First of all, a spiritual diary is a diary. Just like any diary, the amount of differences between one to the next is probably as many as the amount of individuals living on Earth right now. It is a unique expression of oneself. The structure and content will be as unique as everyone’s fingerprints.

With that in mind, let’s take it one step further. What makes it “spiritual” then?

For me, instead of writing just on a blank piece of paper, I am seeing myself writing these expressions directly “on” the heart of God. Yes, it may still be on a piece of paper or in a blank document in Microsoft Word. However, when I am writing it, I bear in mind that I am expressing myself directly to God.

I come with no defense, no walls, nothing fake. I am being brutally honest, and completely “naked” in front of God. I write both the joy and ugliness I experience in my own spiritual journey. I write down my dreams, wishes, prayers, love poem, confessions about my sin, what I am called to be in life, things I wish I could change, the kind of things I can change, touching experiences for that day, someone whom I love, someone whom I have difficulty to love, etc.

When I write my spiritual diary, I don’t think, I just write.

In the beginning it was hard because my tendencies were to run away from these facts about myself, especially the ugly ones. Early on, I needed to “force” myself to write pretty much whatever to get into the habit of expressing myself.

Even if it is only one word, it is ok. Many people say they don’t know what to write. Then write the words, “don’t know” or “blank” or “confused.” Really, any words will do. At this stage, it is about getting things out from us. It only takes less than 5 seconds to do so. Don’t let any excuses stop us from expressing our inside.

At the start, it is about engaging our inner spirit. Once a routine is developed, then the heart starts to get involved. At this point, learn how to express the day in one or two words; “happy” or “sad” or “frustrating” or “jiggly wiggly,” etc. Then once we are up to it, start writing why we are happy or sad or frustrated or “jiggly wiggly.”

All these things are done while realizing that we are not just expressing ourselves on paper or digital file, but directly on the heart of God.

I give my spiritual diary a name. It is taken directly from a name of a saint whose talents and charisms are similar to mine. She is the patron of my spiritual diary.

For the sake of its content, I password protect my spiritual diary. It has to be. Because the kind of writing I have in it is the kind of thing that can create the end of the world if read by others. Yes, I am that honest to God and myself.

Every time I approach my spiritual diary, I approach it with a lot of respect and love.

These are God’s words I keep in mind whenever I am expressing myself in His heart,

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name: you are mine. Because you are precious in my eyes and glorious, and because I love you” – Isa 43:1, 4.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you” – Jer 1:5.

Just like the way we need a mirror when fixing our hair to get it right, we also need a “mirror” to assess ourselves in front of God. A spiritual diary will do just that. It serves as our mirror in our spiritual journey.

Glory to the Most Holy Trinity,
Bro Chan


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I Didn't Deserve It

My new life in Indonesia started right away after I arrived last Saturday. When I arrived home, my dad offered me to seek for a cellular phone right away so that I could retire my magical Nokia 7210 (magical: if you didn’t know how to press the keypad, the result would be the number “0” no matter what you had pressed). I was actually too tired and not in the mood for it. However, knowing my dad and because of his recent and still ongoing heart problem, I did not want to argue with him. So, I said yes to that.


By: Indra

I thought that I would have to prepare myself to go to the cellular phone store. However, amazingly, my dad called the owner of the store, and then made a deal so that one of the store’s employees could come to our house and brought several models to choose for me.

It was funny how my dad kept saying, “The model would be up to you. Everything is up to you.” However, in the end, he insisted on a model: Nokia 9500. I hesitated to choose that because it was so expensive and I did not think that I would need all of those features. It seemed too extravagant. Furthermore, I knew that I would then engage in an unceasing battle with my dad over who would be paying for the phone. Needless to say, he won on that one too…. (hey in my defense, I let him win… it was uncomfortable for me, however, oh well, it was not worth the fight and the risk of giving him any excitement that would worsen his heart right then).

When I saw that phone, and started to familiarized myself with it, I could not help but felt how I did not deserve that phone. I felt that the phone was for someone who would be much, much, better off than myself. However, at the same time, I was also excited of getting something that good.

It was then when I was reminded how similar my parents are to our Heavenly Father. Well, there are certainly some differences, for one, our Heavenly Father gives us free will whereas my father sometimes does not… hahahhaa. Our Heavenly Father always wanted the best for us. He “did not care” whether we deserve His goodness or not. It was our status as citizens of Heaven and as His children that makes us deserve His blessings and salvation. His mercy and grace made us deserve those. His love for us is so much that it would envelope all of our deficiencies that would have made us undeserving.

Just as I felt excited for getting such a great cellular phone, shouldn’t we be so much more excited for getting something that are more greater than all of the materials and wealth in this world combined? We are always being offered God Himself. He gives Himself for us. There is nothing better than that. We can either refuse it or accept it. St. Pio once said that many of us are like hungry guests in front of a table full of feasts. Yes, in front of us are all the blessings that we can claim, we just need to really claim and accept them. Don’t worry about whether we deserve those or not. His love makes us to deserve it.

God bless you all,
Adrianus Indra Setiadi


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He Puts His Words in Our Mouths

&%$#!

“Sssh…. Don’t tell anyone, but do you know that he did such and such…..?”

Such are the words that sometimes come out of my mouth.

I have always been fascinated with human’s ability to develop language and speech. It seems amazing to me how a group of people, or groups of people, can cooperate on what and how to call things and events. The development of language structure is even more amazing. I feel that this development is a big blessing that propels us humans to be the way we are, above all creatures on this earth.

“With great power, comes great responsibility” – Ben Parker, from “Spiderman”

With our ability to communicate orally with others, comes great responsibility in using it wisely. How many times have we hurt others with our words? How many times have we used this great ability of ours to gossip, to swear falsely, or worse, to condemn falsely? Are these the tongues that are supposed to be blessings for others?

The problem is located in our free will, whether we want to choose to use the word of the Lord or not. After all, the Lord himself has said that he had put his own words in our mouths (cf. Is. 51:16). His words is salvation. His words made flesh is Jesus, who brings salvation to all. Have the words that came out of my mouth brings salvation to others whom I meet?

If we want to use our tongue to bless, the ability is there. God, in his infinite goodness, has chosen to give us a share of blessings in bringing salvation to others. We have the ability to bless others with our tongues, if only we would use those for that purpose constantly. May this great blessing of ours brings even greater blessings to others and glory to God!


God bless you all,
Adrianus Indra Setiadi


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Don't Settle for Counterfeits!

I just bought new sunglasses today at “ITC Mangga Dua”, the center of counterfeit items in Jakarta. I got the sunglass for a relatively cheap price. USD 25.00 for a pair of branded sunglasses surely sounds amazing, right (yes, yes. I admit, I am lured by the cheap counterfeit items too)?


By: Indra

Maybe I got my just reward for supporting counterfeit productions and piracy. On my way home, I tried my new pair of sunglasses. They surely looked good. However, after 10 minutes, the right glass went off just like that. There go my new sunglasses (luckily, I had time to came back and ask the store to repair my sunglasses).

That event somehow reminded me of other more important counterfeit items in my life. How often have I settled for counterfeit happiness and peace that the world offers? The happiness and peace that the world offers do not last long. Only God can offer us happiness and peace that can last forever no matter what happens.

Counterfeit items sure look good. However, the quality is not as good as the real ones. The same works with happiness and peace. The happiness and peace that this world offers might look good. I believe they can be good. However, they are not good enough for us to settle into. God gives us the privilege to get the real thing through our baptisms and relationship with him. Do not settle for less!

God bless you all,
Adrianus Indra Setiadi


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Superdaddy Just Like Daddy in Heaven

My son and I were on the way home from the airport. We hopped on the train. As we passed downtown Portland, my son fell asleep on my right hand. I was holding his head to make sure that he did not fall from the train swaying. It has been a few days away from home. I was behind on my to-do list for work. So, I took out my iPhone and started working out all work related emails and chores.

After finishing a few items, God stopped me. He urged me to look around. I paused and enjoyed that little beautiful moment of having my son on my right hand sleeping, while doing work to provide food on the table for my little one using my left hand.

As my wife passed away, it was time for me to step up to the challenge. It was not easy. I needed to grow up fast. God held my hands firmly. I learned a lot of things. I made mistakes. I learned even many more things from those mistakes.

He never let me down. The Father in Heaven has always become my Superdaddy. And as I was holding my son, I asked My Heavenly Superdaddy, that I can be a superdaddy for Cyan. Help me, Father…

“As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on the faithful” – Psalm 103:13.

Glory to the Most Holy Trinity,
Bro Chan


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Till We Meet Again

Beautiful morning sky
Blooming flowers
Serene lake
Leftover dew
Nights filled with daylight
Time was carefree

Both would never be the same
Many memories formed
A fellowship forged
Solidarity shared
Through a blink of an eye
They knew what the other said

The path split
North and South
Different missions one heart
One last look, one last promise
In prayer they keep each other
They would meet again
If not on Earth, in Heaven
Oh Heaven, you are so far away

The meeting place is in God’s Heart
When the two prays
They are both there
With each other again
For a moment
But in a blink of an eye
The path split again
Stabbed by pain of goodbyes

The loudest scream
Would never serve as remedy
The least painful way
Is the path of least resistance
Which is silent surrender

He is down trodden on his path
Beaten down
Gut punched
Scarred
Unrecognizable

Keeping the dream of Endless Light
Weak but alive
Exhausted heart keeps beating
Mustering every drip of strength
To reach the finish line
For only there he knows
The path would converge at last

So he can see her again
With the same beautiful morning sky
And blooming flowers
To share laughter once again
Around that serene lake
With Jesus in the middle
Who is the source of their unending joy

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Dedicated to my Companion in Christ,
Bro Chan


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Rosa Tiara, Cyan, and Me

My son and I went to the Mausoleum to visit St. Rosa, the Tiara of God. What a blessed moment that was. I knelt down on my knees to ask her intercession on a lot of prayer petitions; personal, family, and ones from others. As we stepped into the Mausoleum, a serene peace enveloped me. This is the peace the world cannot give. This is the Heavenly peace. This is the same kind of peace whenever she hugged me during our ten years of marriage.

Then together with my son, we lifted up our prayers for our continued journey, “Lord, take care of our family. Let Mama pray and watch over us always, amen…”

After finishing up with the prayer, Cyan was on the ground to prepare his Mother’s Day poem and his other handmade crafts he made for Mama. He set those up according to his liking. Then he got up, “OK, I am done…”

We walked out the Mausoleum with the same peace we came in with.


Cyan putting his name on his work


Cyan preparing his Mama memorials


Memorials for Mama


St. Rosa, the Tiara of God, Cyan, and Me


Thank you my dear, please continue to pray for us...

Glory to the Most Holy Trinity,
Bro Chan


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Lifting Up Islands of Indonesia in Prayer

I was attending a priest ordination Mass for a long time friend and brother in Christ, Fr. Budi Wardhana. The Archdiocese of Los Angeles represents many ethnic groups and Indonesia is one of them. During the offering, they used Javanese/Balinese traditional festive stemmed from the old Majapahit Kingdom that used to encompass a few of the South East Asian nations.

Two things starkly remind me of home. First, it was the fruit offering that was brought as the symbol of gratitude of the land. Second, there was a presentation of the umbrellas of the King following behind it.


Fruit Offering (photo by: Denny Herbert)

When I look at these, my heart was bubbling up with prayers for the islands of Indonesia. It is a beautiful nation. However, some part of the country is wrecked with economic, social, and political distress. I asked God to flood my birth nation with His healing restorative power.

There is a reason why I was born there. God started to reveal it clearer in that moment. Thank you Jesus.

Glory to the Trinity!
Bro Chan


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